Change your attitude- Dr Pramod Kumar

Attitude is a mental outlook, a frame of mind. It is how we think. It reflects in our behavior. It is a force behind our actions. People who have generally positive attitudes expect the best. We usually get what we expect because the thoughts we choose set the wheels in motion and then move us in a particular direction. We develop the habit of expecting good things to happen as we know that the primary vehicle for taking us where we want to go is the mind. We can alter our lives by altering our attitudes. That is why when we accept responsibility for making better choices, our lives get better.

To promote respect in our own eyes and in the eyes of others, it is necessary to change our habits. By doing so, we will neither bear the pain of self-rejection nor do we bear the pain of rejection by others. Every one has critical inner voice. While the critical voice is tearing you down, it is also helping you in changing your thinking process in case you are not right or you are acting or behaving in a manner which is against the universal accepted principles of human behaviorism.

Change is necessary for our development. All of us strive for perfection through out our life because we always want to improve our quality of life. For that purpose, nature has provided us four important endowments viz.,-self-awareness, conscience, creative imagination and independent will. These four endowments distinguish us from the animal world. With the help of these endowments, we may change our attitude. While self-awareness helps us in understanding our thinking, our actions, and our habits and tendencies, conscience warns us internally, when we act contrary to universally accepted principles. We can use conscience to align our values and beliefs, and strategies with principles, ensuring that both the ends and means of our aims and objects are principle-based. Independent will is our capacity to act. It gives us the power to transcend our paradigms, to swim upstream, to rewrite our scripts, to act based on principles rather than reacting based on emotion or circumstances. Creative imagination helps us in seeing the things in advance.  

We live by choice, not by chance. We have the ability to choose. We are the product of our choices. Environmental or genetic influences can not influence us without our will. We are responsible for our choices beyond our moods and tendencies. It was not our choice to be born into the world. And it is not our choice that someday we are going to die. However, the period in between, the one we call life, presents us with countless choices. We can choose our friends, jobs, life styles, faiths, clothes, residence, car and what kind of music to listen to. We choose our character, our values, our way of life etc.

We can't adjust situations to fit our lives perfectly, but we can adjust our attitudes to fit all situations. No one is born with any particular attitude. It is developed over time. Where we are today is the result of the attitudes we have learned. If we want to change it, we need to start by changing our attitudes and learning new ones. We can direct our thoughts to work for us. They can be our best friends. They can provide us with a positive outlook and greatly improve our chances for success. Every thing we do is affected by our attitudes. A good attitude is the principal ingredient of a good life. Think with open mind. We can choose our own thoughts and, with them, our own beliefs, values, and priorities. We can do the things that are right instead of the things everyone else's is doing. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles. Thinking constructively is necessary for achieving peace.

            Determinism theory says that our behavior is basically shaped by genetic (inherited traits), psychic (up-bring) and environmental (surroundings) factors. But we have endowed free will by nature. We have power of self-awareness too. That is why we can learn from our experiences and break our bad habits. We can analyze our thoughts, feelings and moods. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen. By centering our life on correct principles, we create a solid foundation for development of life support

factors-security, guidance, wisdom and power. And the more we know the correct principles, the greater is our personal freedom to act wisely. By centering our lives on timeless, unchanging principles, we create a fundamental paradigm of effective living. It is the center that puts all other centers in perspective.

We may change our-self by making responsible to our self. We may change our-self by analyzing logically in every situation. We may change our-self by promoting discipline in us and also by true assessment and determination. By enriching our-self with right knowledge (based on logical observation of every situation and imbibing the rational thoughts) and by training our skill, we may change our behavior and attitude and thereby improve our personality. We may discuss hereunder some of the behavioral aspects which are necessary for our development:

1. Not to allow problems to empower us:

We come across three behavioral problems in our life. i. Direct problems- (own behavioral problem) which can be solved by changing our behavior. ii. Indirect control- (problems involving other people's behavior) which can be solved by persuasion only. The most effective way to teach/ change anyone is through our behavior, not by words. More words are exchanged, the less successful the outcome. There should be less talk; there should be more action on our part. Words that are not backed by action become simply a preaching point and nothing more. We must take the broom and clean the house of another if we are truly going to be of help. iii. No control problems-(problems on which we have no control) may be accepted by us and we may learn to live with them, even though we don't like them. In this way, we do not empower these problems to control us. Whether a problem is direct, indirect or no control, we have in our hands the first step to the solution-Changing our attitude, changing our way to see them. Never develop the tendency to worry about things that can't be changed or corrected.

2. Not to be re-active:

Re-active people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. They blame outside forces- others, circumstances, even the stars- for their own situation. They focus their efforts on the weakness of other people, the problem of environment, circumstances over which they have no control. Reactive people build their lives around the behavior of others, empowering the weaknesses of other people to control them.

On the contrary, the ability to sub-ordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the pro-active person. Pro-active people are driven by values- carefully thought about, selected and internalized values. They do not blame circumstances, conditions etc. for their behavior. They live in present and don't blame past as an excuse for your life conditions today. They actively involve in the present,-taking charge of current lives and rejecting the self-limiting beliefs of the past that govern the present- move forward and live more fully today. Their behavior is a product of their own conscience choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feelings. They do not affect by physical environment. If weather is good, they feel good and if it is not, it does not affect their attitude and performance. We should carry our own weather with us. Whether it rains or shines makes no difference to us. Pro-active person is value driven; and if his value is to produce good quality work, it is not a function of whether the weather is conducive to or not. They are not controlled by social weather also.  Some people feel well when other treats them well; when people don't, they become defensive or protective. But such thing is not there with pro-active person. We should be pro-active and not re-active.

3. Not to be afraid of failures:

Failing is a fact of life, a necessary part of the process that no one can escape. It is not whether we fail that maters; it's how we fail. When Edition was looking for ways to keep a light-bulb burning, he tried more than one thousand different combinations of materials that flopped. He had successfully identified over one thousand ways that did not work and that each attempt brought him closer to the one that would. Einstein said," I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right." Both of them failed many times but were considered as genius by us. Failing is a natural outcome of trying. Success rarely comes on the first attempt. Success comes only as the result of time, determination, and prolonged effort. We can learn from failure- humility, opportunity to try a new direction, we can't always have what we want, strength of character, perseverance and we can survive defeat. If your attempt proves a failure, you should be prepared to face the consequences of your actions. You can also grow with an experience of failure. At least you can learn not to repeat the mistake.

Success is more than making money. "Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is in the doing, not the getting- in the trying, not the triumph"- Wynn Davis. Money can not buy happiness. Even after achieving financial goals, the life is empty and meaningless because money, property, power and status are not the same as successful. Accept life as it is, with all its difficulties and challenges. Accept responsibilities for their own lives instead of blaming or making excuses. Make the most out of it, in spite of its negative elements, no matter what the circumstances. Maintain a positive attitude toward life. Look good in others and in the world. See life as a series of opportunities and possibilities, and always explore them. Successful people build good relationships. They love others and subdue thoughts of hatred and anger. They are sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. They have a way of bringing out the best in other people. They never feel jealous. They set goals and accomplish them. They are action-oriented. They don't waste time in unproductive aimless activities. They accept and enjoy challenges. They have strong desire to learn. They see learning as a joy. They are always discovering, always growing. Be true and straight forward and open is their policy. They maintain high standards in their personal conduct- truthful and honest. They enjoy life to the fullest.

Life does not always work the way we would like it to. The world will not devote itself to making us happy. Life is hard. It is not always fair. Our real success in life will be largely determined by how well we deal with adversity. We live in an imperfect world with many other imperfect people. No one can promise us lives free from pain or disappointment. Nor can anyone promise us safety. But we are not alone. Every living person shares the same predicament. The people who succeed in life don't escape unfairness. They just learn to accept it and manage it more constructively.

Never think anything impossible because we can't accomplish it. We may learn the thing which is not known. We may develop the skill which we do not have. Refuse to ever use the term failure again. Start deliberately pursuing activities in which you have previously shown little or no aptitude. Positive thinking has to be accompanied with genuine belief. Our behavior is formed through habit. We first make our habits, and then our habits make us. We are not born with any of them. We learn them, just as we learn our attitudes. They develop over time and are reinforced through repetition.

Too many people are seduced by what we call outward success. People look for quicker ways to acquire material wealth. They attain it but still end up feeling empty. They learn methods to obtain things but do not develop the principles and habits that result in feelings of self-worth and fulfillment.

4. Be honest:

Dishonest behavior is at the root of most of our psychological problems. It is a vicious circle. One dishonest act leads to another. Rarely does a person lie, cheat, or steal

once. If something is gained from it, the temptation to do it again is almost irresistible. Then there is a need to cover the trail, and another dishonest act is used to do it. If the process continues, dishonesty becomes almost a way of life. In other words, it becomes a habit- the worst one of all. Dishonesty turns us into phonies and manipulators. Is not it true that we usually know when someone is lying to us? People tip themselves off. Their words say one thing, but their bodies say another. And we pick up the signals. The same must be true when we lie. Other people are picking up the same signals. We are fooling no one but ourselves. In the process, we damage our reputations and destroy our credibility. When we lie to other people, we make it hard for them to believe us in the future. Violating the trust of another person is a sure way of damaging a relationship. And it's more difficult to restore one than it is to form one. Without trust, good relationships are impossible. Deceit has a powerful psychological effect. The manipulative part of us is literally assaulting our vital center. A false intention places an enormous stress on the body's nervous systems. We literally stir up inner turmoil when we are dishonest. In essence, we punish ourselves. If we are selfish and dishonest, we prevent ourselves from knowing more- to be complete one. We can never experience the satisfaction of being authentic human beings. This is the worst punishment of all. Therefore, we should adopt good values-honesty, integrity, humility, fidelity, modesty, patience, simplicity, temperance, courage etc.

5. Never be unhappy:

Be joyful. Joy is a fruit of the inner-self. Cultivate your sense of humor:  allow that inner child to express itself in fun ways. Don't be serious. Make a conscious effort to laugh more often. If you laugh, other will also laugh but if you weep other will not weep. Unload yourself- lighten up. More you detach from self-importance, the more fun you will attract. Send love deliberately to each person you encounter, regardless of how it is received by others. Spread a smile around. Life may be hard and at times unfair, but that doesn't mean it has to be intolerable. And it certainly does not mean that we can't enjoy it. Humor is what helps the most. Humor and play break the tension. It is what we did so often as children and too often forget to do later in life. Laughter should become a high priority in our lives. We should laugh at ourselves. People who know how to laugh at themselves will never cease to be entertained.

6. No man is an island:

 The fact is that quality of life is, by nature, interdependent. Even the fulfillment of our fundamental needs and our capacities is interdependent. No one individual has all the talents, all the ideas, all the capacities to perform the functions of the Whole. Vital to quality of life is the ability to work together, learn from each other, and help each other grow. You are not master of everything. Accept it and take the help of specialists. Promote team-spirit.  Develop relationship and enrich your emotional bank-balance. It is illusion that personal gain is made up of crushing others.

            We should change our bad attitude, if any, right now. Choice is ours- with a negative attitude we can't have peaceful and happy life; with a positive attitude we can always have peace and happiness. What is your choice??

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    

Dr. Pramod Kumar

19-3-2004

Email: drpk1956@gmail.com

            Drpramod.kumar@yahoo.in