Develop your Self-Dr Pramod kumar

Develop your SELF-Dr Pramod kumar

Everybody is concerned for self-development. Why do we want to improve ourselves?  Is there a need for it? Abraham Maslow mentioned five levels of needs of a person, viz. Physiological, Safety, Social, Self-esteem and need for Self- actualization. We all try to fulfill our basic social needs for "Roti, Kapara and Makan”. After there fulfillment, we try to achieve higher needs of self-esteem and self-actualization.  Fulfillment of these needs immensely benefits an individual besides the society at large.

Self esteem is that deep down inside the skin feeling we have of our own self- worth. Real self-esteem is the respect that we have to earn from ourselves. Self-esteem is not something we can buy. We can't get it from other people. Feeling good about ourselves is the natural result of doing the right things and thinking the right thoughts that force us to follow the right principles. Self-recognition and self-respect are significant constituents of self- esteem. Self-recognition and self-respect are psychological urges fulfillment of which leads to psychological reinforcement. Without some measure of self worth, life can be enormously painful.

Mere respect and recognition do not satisfy one's thirst. Even after achieving respect and recognition, one wants to do something great. He still feels himself incomplete.  Self-actualization is the path to achieve completeness in life. It is a way of understanding our weaknesses and strengths. It is a process of improving and developing our Self.  How do we achieve self-esteem and self-actualization?

We can achieve self-esteem and self-actualization with the help of four important endowments viz.,-'self-awareness', 'conscience', 'creative imagination' and 'independent will'. These four endowments are not available with animals. They distinguish us from the animal world. While self-awareness helps us in understanding our thinking and our actions, conscience guides us internally, to realize whether we are right or wrong. Independent will is our capacity to act independently, beyond social and genetic pressures. It gives us the power to rise above our existing paradigms and to rewrite our scripts, wherever necessary. Creative imagination helps us in seeing the things in advance. Sometimes, due to environment, genetic and natural factors we feel pressurized. However, we can overcome it by our will power; by making us more self-aware; by making our conscience more alive and by the use of power of creative imagination.

With the development of human civilization, some principles of 'quality-life' have been accepted by the humanity. Application of these principles will not only help us in improving our self-esteem but also make our path smooth for achieving self-actualization. Without caring for these principles, we can't develop our self in real sense nor can we get peace and satisfaction in life. It requires a life based on good principles. Some people look for quicker ways to acquire material wealth. They get it but still feel incomplete because they do not apply the principles and develop habits that result in feelings of self-worth and fulfillment. Mere outward success is not development nor does it necessarily give us peace and satisfaction. To be complete is an aim of self-actualization. That is why it is necessary to make good principles as a part of our behavior. Let us talk about some of such principles which may help us in our development:

1.  Make fit:

 i. Physically: Our body is like a temple where our Self lives in. Without being physically fit, we cannot do anything great. We can keep ourselves fit by walking and also by doing a little bit of exercise, regularly. Yoga is also helpful for keeping us fit. It is also required to take balance diet and to say good-bye to alcohol, tobacco and other addictions. After the age of 45 years, it is also necessary to be careful about excess intake of oil, sugar and salt in our diet.

ii. Mentally: We can keep our mind sound by meditating daily at least half an hour. The most common practice of meditation is observation of breath entering and leaving the body. The practice is to sit and let our heart become still and concentrated and then to use that concentration to examine the nature of the mind and body. The mind is like an unbridled wild horse, keeping our lives in chaos, leading us into terrible predicaments. When the reins of concentration are loose, we flail in all directions and bring great suffering to ourselves. In the beginning these reins are hard to seize. With effort, however, we can get a grip on them and ultimately tighten them. The nature of wild horse will not change- even when it is reined in, we must be firm. As our attention strengthens, we reach a deeper understanding of life. Then the horse becomes our best friend. Meditation is a method for restraining the natural turbulence of thoughts. It gives us peace and promotes concentration. The key to success in strengthening concentration is continuous practice. By meditation we can make our mind powerful and use it in achieving our goals.

2. Achieve goals:

It is impossible to advance properly in life without setting reasonable goals. We should specify our goals in term of personal growth, education, career, income, family, health etc., as per our requirements. We may assign a timeline to the goals. Planning and programming are necessary to get us to our goal. But we should remember that plans are only dreams without actions. We must act. There is no substitute for hard work. If we are unwilling to work hard for distinction, we must be ready for a lifetime of mediocrity.

With added self-discipline we can go even farther. Successful people don't find time- they make time. Time is life. It is irreversible and irreplaceable. To waste our time is to waste our life, but to master our time is to master our life and make the most of it. Useless life is far worse than an early death. We were not created for a life of idleness.

Let us talk to the body and force it to become more active, despite its objections. There are people with skills, and with knowledge and with an urge to succeed but somehow their urges are not forceful enough. Rather, not passionate enough. Passion works wonders. People with passion automatically tend to be innovative. Success never comes till you are passionate about it.

3. Realize the truth:

 i. Impermanency:

No condition is permanent. There are seasons in life just as in nature. The conditions undergo changes.  No thing is constant. Adversity can never be the permanent condition of any person. Adversities, in fact, provide learning opportunities. Every failure is only a step toward success; detection of what is false directs us towards what is true.

No one will live forever. All of us have been dying, hour by hour, since the moment we were born. But fear of death or adversity doesn't stop the birds chirping. Use them as reminders to live more fully each day.

ii. Lightening of load:

We came into this world with nothing, but through the years we allow ourselves to be weighed down by so much heavy baggage, in the name of security, that our journey through life becomes a punishment instead of a pleasure. If our baggage is heavy, our back will bow under its weight which we have to carry until death .The load need be lightened. Love, peace of mind, and happiness are jewels which no condition of future, no amount of land or coin, can either exalt or depress. Mere money and property can not fill our life with joy.

iii. Detachment:

Detachment is a way of thinking which gives us the freedom to flow with life. It is, in fact keeping us away from the need to hold on to things and people. Detachment is not about denying the joy of achieving abundance. It does not mean not having things. On the contrary, attachment has become the controlling factor in our life which is not good for us. Unreasonable attachments may make us burdensome. They also give pain at the time of departure. Performance with out attachment would tend to promote feelings of greater peace and pleasure without, however, undermining the responsibilities towards family and the society at large. It is not being a slave to the attachment of all of those things that we are accumulating- attachment to stuff, other people, past, ideas and being right.

When we encounter someone who believes something quite different from us, we start defining ourselves by trying to explain how wrong he is. At that time, we are unable to realize that all right versus wrong dichotomies is the invention of people. Right does not exist independent of man. The universe is running on the principles that we have defined, but still running independent of our opinions. If we attach to some idea in an unreasonable way, we shut out the possibility of hearing another point of view.

iv. Forgiveness:

Revengefulness is required to be replaced with forgiveness. It would work like the antidote for the poison (hatred) that we have allowed to circulate inside us. It is necessary to forgive others because deep injuries will not heal up until we forgive the person who has inflicted harm to us. If we do not forgive, we suffer ourselves by continuing hanging on to the toxic thoughts of anger and resentment that wreak havoc with our health.

v. Love:

Love is the affinity which links and draws together the elements of the world. Love is our real nature. To love and to be loved are natural desires in every human being. We are made of love and we can't find rest or happiness without it. Every infant needs touch to grow. Positive stroking encourages infants to grow. Infants who are ignored or stroked negatively are encouraged to become losers. It is a need of our inmost self. That is why sometimes, it flows above man-made social and genetic barriers. In love, one believes in only giving and not taking. Rather, in love, difference between the two is lost. We can observe it when we read Jesus Christ, Buddha and other great personalities. Great people love others. They have ability to take on different roles- nurturer, nutritionist, psychologist, educator, healer, social worker, etc.  We should love others and subdue thoughts of hatred and anger. The feeling of love energizes ourselves and gives us peace and happiness.

4. Person of principles:

 Sense of completeness can't be felt without becoming a good human being. It requires following some principles of goodness in life. One should be true, reasonable, just and fair in one's dealings with others. Development of a high standard of personal ethics is necessary for becoming a good person. It is necessary to be honest. To be a person of principles, one should be a person of integrity and good character. Speaking ill of people behind their backs is indeed a show of poor character.

Good person feels happy by helping others. If he makes a mistake, he says sorry and remains patient when someone makes a mistake. He learns from them and avoids his own. He makes unconditional and unqualified praises and uses 'please' and 'thank you' in his style. He is always a good listener and does not interrupt and complete others sentences.

He always abstains from loose and frivolous talk. He does not laugh or take pleasure in other people's misfortunes. Nor he makes fun of others even when the occasion arises. He is always kind and praises others for their achievements.

We should make good principles as a part of our behavior. We should know our weaknesses, accept them and try to eliminate them.  If we act based on good principles, it will produce quality-of-life results.

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(Dr. Pramod Kumar)

11-5-2004

Email: drpk1956@gmail.com

            drpramod.kumar@yahoo.in

                                                                             

Change your attitude- Dr Pramod Kumar

Attitude is a mental outlook, a frame of mind. It is how we think. It reflects in our behavior. It is a force behind our actions. People who have generally positive attitudes expect the best. We usually get what we expect because the thoughts we choose set the wheels in motion and then move us in a particular direction. We develop the habit of expecting good things to happen as we know that the primary vehicle for taking us where we want to go is the mind. We can alter our lives by altering our attitudes. That is why when we accept responsibility for making better choices, our lives get better.

To promote respect in our own eyes and in the eyes of others, it is necessary to change our habits. By doing so, we will neither bear the pain of self-rejection nor do we bear the pain of rejection by others. Every one has critical inner voice. While the critical voice is tearing you down, it is also helping you in changing your thinking process in case you are not right or you are acting or behaving in a manner which is against the universal accepted principles of human behaviorism.

Change is necessary for our development. All of us strive for perfection through out our life because we always want to improve our quality of life. For that purpose, nature has provided us four important endowments viz.,-self-awareness, conscience, creative imagination and independent will. These four endowments distinguish us from the animal world. With the help of these endowments, we may change our attitude. While self-awareness helps us in understanding our thinking, our actions, and our habits and tendencies, conscience warns us internally, when we act contrary to universally accepted principles. We can use conscience to align our values and beliefs, and strategies with principles, ensuring that both the ends and means of our aims and objects are principle-based. Independent will is our capacity to act. It gives us the power to transcend our paradigms, to swim upstream, to rewrite our scripts, to act based on principles rather than reacting based on emotion or circumstances. Creative imagination helps us in seeing the things in advance.  

We live by choice, not by chance. We have the ability to choose. We are the product of our choices. Environmental or genetic influences can not influence us without our will. We are responsible for our choices beyond our moods and tendencies. It was not our choice to be born into the world. And it is not our choice that someday we are going to die. However, the period in between, the one we call life, presents us with countless choices. We can choose our friends, jobs, life styles, faiths, clothes, residence, car and what kind of music to listen to. We choose our character, our values, our way of life etc.

We can't adjust situations to fit our lives perfectly, but we can adjust our attitudes to fit all situations. No one is born with any particular attitude. It is developed over time. Where we are today is the result of the attitudes we have learned. If we want to change it, we need to start by changing our attitudes and learning new ones. We can direct our thoughts to work for us. They can be our best friends. They can provide us with a positive outlook and greatly improve our chances for success. Every thing we do is affected by our attitudes. A good attitude is the principal ingredient of a good life. Think with open mind. We can choose our own thoughts and, with them, our own beliefs, values, and priorities. We can do the things that are right instead of the things everyone else's is doing. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles. Thinking constructively is necessary for achieving peace.

            Determinism theory says that our behavior is basically shaped by genetic (inherited traits), psychic (up-bring) and environmental (surroundings) factors. But we have endowed free will by nature. We have power of self-awareness too. That is why we can learn from our experiences and break our bad habits. We can analyze our thoughts, feelings and moods. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen. By centering our life on correct principles, we create a solid foundation for development of life support

factors-security, guidance, wisdom and power. And the more we know the correct principles, the greater is our personal freedom to act wisely. By centering our lives on timeless, unchanging principles, we create a fundamental paradigm of effective living. It is the center that puts all other centers in perspective.

We may change our-self by making responsible to our self. We may change our-self by analyzing logically in every situation. We may change our-self by promoting discipline in us and also by true assessment and determination. By enriching our-self with right knowledge (based on logical observation of every situation and imbibing the rational thoughts) and by training our skill, we may change our behavior and attitude and thereby improve our personality. We may discuss hereunder some of the behavioral aspects which are necessary for our development:

1. Not to allow problems to empower us:

We come across three behavioral problems in our life. i. Direct problems- (own behavioral problem) which can be solved by changing our behavior. ii. Indirect control- (problems involving other people's behavior) which can be solved by persuasion only. The most effective way to teach/ change anyone is through our behavior, not by words. More words are exchanged, the less successful the outcome. There should be less talk; there should be more action on our part. Words that are not backed by action become simply a preaching point and nothing more. We must take the broom and clean the house of another if we are truly going to be of help. iii. No control problems-(problems on which we have no control) may be accepted by us and we may learn to live with them, even though we don't like them. In this way, we do not empower these problems to control us. Whether a problem is direct, indirect or no control, we have in our hands the first step to the solution-Changing our attitude, changing our way to see them. Never develop the tendency to worry about things that can't be changed or corrected.

2. Not to be re-active:

Re-active people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. They blame outside forces- others, circumstances, even the stars- for their own situation. They focus their efforts on the weakness of other people, the problem of environment, circumstances over which they have no control. Reactive people build their lives around the behavior of others, empowering the weaknesses of other people to control them.

On the contrary, the ability to sub-ordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the pro-active person. Pro-active people are driven by values- carefully thought about, selected and internalized values. They do not blame circumstances, conditions etc. for their behavior. They live in present and don't blame past as an excuse for your life conditions today. They actively involve in the present,-taking charge of current lives and rejecting the self-limiting beliefs of the past that govern the present- move forward and live more fully today. Their behavior is a product of their own conscience choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feelings. They do not affect by physical environment. If weather is good, they feel good and if it is not, it does not affect their attitude and performance. We should carry our own weather with us. Whether it rains or shines makes no difference to us. Pro-active person is value driven; and if his value is to produce good quality work, it is not a function of whether the weather is conducive to or not. They are not controlled by social weather also.  Some people feel well when other treats them well; when people don't, they become defensive or protective. But such thing is not there with pro-active person. We should be pro-active and not re-active.

3. Not to be afraid of failures:

Failing is a fact of life, a necessary part of the process that no one can escape. It is not whether we fail that maters; it's how we fail. When Edition was looking for ways to keep a light-bulb burning, he tried more than one thousand different combinations of materials that flopped. He had successfully identified over one thousand ways that did not work and that each attempt brought him closer to the one that would. Einstein said," I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right." Both of them failed many times but were considered as genius by us. Failing is a natural outcome of trying. Success rarely comes on the first attempt. Success comes only as the result of time, determination, and prolonged effort. We can learn from failure- humility, opportunity to try a new direction, we can't always have what we want, strength of character, perseverance and we can survive defeat. If your attempt proves a failure, you should be prepared to face the consequences of your actions. You can also grow with an experience of failure. At least you can learn not to repeat the mistake.

Success is more than making money. "Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is in the doing, not the getting- in the trying, not the triumph"- Wynn Davis. Money can not buy happiness. Even after achieving financial goals, the life is empty and meaningless because money, property, power and status are not the same as successful. Accept life as it is, with all its difficulties and challenges. Accept responsibilities for their own lives instead of blaming or making excuses. Make the most out of it, in spite of its negative elements, no matter what the circumstances. Maintain a positive attitude toward life. Look good in others and in the world. See life as a series of opportunities and possibilities, and always explore them. Successful people build good relationships. They love others and subdue thoughts of hatred and anger. They are sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. They have a way of bringing out the best in other people. They never feel jealous. They set goals and accomplish them. They are action-oriented. They don't waste time in unproductive aimless activities. They accept and enjoy challenges. They have strong desire to learn. They see learning as a joy. They are always discovering, always growing. Be true and straight forward and open is their policy. They maintain high standards in their personal conduct- truthful and honest. They enjoy life to the fullest.

Life does not always work the way we would like it to. The world will not devote itself to making us happy. Life is hard. It is not always fair. Our real success in life will be largely determined by how well we deal with adversity. We live in an imperfect world with many other imperfect people. No one can promise us lives free from pain or disappointment. Nor can anyone promise us safety. But we are not alone. Every living person shares the same predicament. The people who succeed in life don't escape unfairness. They just learn to accept it and manage it more constructively.

Never think anything impossible because we can't accomplish it. We may learn the thing which is not known. We may develop the skill which we do not have. Refuse to ever use the term failure again. Start deliberately pursuing activities in which you have previously shown little or no aptitude. Positive thinking has to be accompanied with genuine belief. Our behavior is formed through habit. We first make our habits, and then our habits make us. We are not born with any of them. We learn them, just as we learn our attitudes. They develop over time and are reinforced through repetition.

Too many people are seduced by what we call outward success. People look for quicker ways to acquire material wealth. They attain it but still end up feeling empty. They learn methods to obtain things but do not develop the principles and habits that result in feelings of self-worth and fulfillment.

4. Be honest:

Dishonest behavior is at the root of most of our psychological problems. It is a vicious circle. One dishonest act leads to another. Rarely does a person lie, cheat, or steal

once. If something is gained from it, the temptation to do it again is almost irresistible. Then there is a need to cover the trail, and another dishonest act is used to do it. If the process continues, dishonesty becomes almost a way of life. In other words, it becomes a habit- the worst one of all. Dishonesty turns us into phonies and manipulators. Is not it true that we usually know when someone is lying to us? People tip themselves off. Their words say one thing, but their bodies say another. And we pick up the signals. The same must be true when we lie. Other people are picking up the same signals. We are fooling no one but ourselves. In the process, we damage our reputations and destroy our credibility. When we lie to other people, we make it hard for them to believe us in the future. Violating the trust of another person is a sure way of damaging a relationship. And it's more difficult to restore one than it is to form one. Without trust, good relationships are impossible. Deceit has a powerful psychological effect. The manipulative part of us is literally assaulting our vital center. A false intention places an enormous stress on the body's nervous systems. We literally stir up inner turmoil when we are dishonest. In essence, we punish ourselves. If we are selfish and dishonest, we prevent ourselves from knowing more- to be complete one. We can never experience the satisfaction of being authentic human beings. This is the worst punishment of all. Therefore, we should adopt good values-honesty, integrity, humility, fidelity, modesty, patience, simplicity, temperance, courage etc.

5. Never be unhappy:

Be joyful. Joy is a fruit of the inner-self. Cultivate your sense of humor:  allow that inner child to express itself in fun ways. Don't be serious. Make a conscious effort to laugh more often. If you laugh, other will also laugh but if you weep other will not weep. Unload yourself- lighten up. More you detach from self-importance, the more fun you will attract. Send love deliberately to each person you encounter, regardless of how it is received by others. Spread a smile around. Life may be hard and at times unfair, but that doesn't mean it has to be intolerable. And it certainly does not mean that we can't enjoy it. Humor is what helps the most. Humor and play break the tension. It is what we did so often as children and too often forget to do later in life. Laughter should become a high priority in our lives. We should laugh at ourselves. People who know how to laugh at themselves will never cease to be entertained.

6. No man is an island:

 The fact is that quality of life is, by nature, interdependent. Even the fulfillment of our fundamental needs and our capacities is interdependent. No one individual has all the talents, all the ideas, all the capacities to perform the functions of the Whole. Vital to quality of life is the ability to work together, learn from each other, and help each other grow. You are not master of everything. Accept it and take the help of specialists. Promote team-spirit.  Develop relationship and enrich your emotional bank-balance. It is illusion that personal gain is made up of crushing others.

            We should change our bad attitude, if any, right now. Choice is ours- with a negative attitude we can't have peaceful and happy life; with a positive attitude we can always have peace and happiness. What is your choice??

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Dr. Pramod Kumar

19-3-2004

Email: drpk1956@gmail.com

            Drpramod.kumar@yahoo.in

           

Know your SELF-Dr Pramod Kumar.

Know your SELF-Dr Pramod Kumar

Awareness of self means: the ability to form an identity and then attach a value to it. In other words, you have the capacity to define who you are and then decide if you like that identity or not. A human being is more than a body. He has a mind and conscience too. Both the psychic and the bodily components constitute a person. Many people think of conscience as the still voice within. Yes, it is still voice within us. It is a voice of our inner-self. The origin of conscience is reason which is imprinted in every human being. Reason, which is endowed by nature to human being, has an inbuilt law that distinguishes right from wrong. Conscience, exactly, is reason applying the natural law and other universal accepted principles to a concrete situation. It promotes awareness of self which is one of the main factors differentiating humans from other animals.

Conscience formation is a life long task. We may realize that reason in us does not work in isolation. It is the whole person who makes the judgment. In the person- thinking, willing remembering, imagining, perceiving and feeling- all these processes are in dynamic interaction. Therefore, the judgment of reason is under the influence of our feelings, emotions, fears, desires, needs, memories, etc. Hence, if we decide what is right or wrong only by what we think, our thinking may not be correct. It may be vitiated by strong emotions, prejudices, selfishness, etc. We rule our behavior by our own conviction but our convictions are to be formed in accordance with objective truth, i.e., in agreement with the correct understanding. The great challenge of life is to see that our subjective thinking agrees with objective reality, or with the truth. Let us listen to the law of nature written in our hearts and obey it. Conscience reveals the law of nature. In making our decision, let us not go only by pure personal advantages.

            In psychoanalytic terms, Freud considers the super-ego as a sector of the psyche, which consists of two sub-systems: ego-ideal and conscience. Ego- ideal is an image of the best possible self. Throughout life the superego compares the person's wishes, impulses, fantasies and behaviors with those included in his ego-ideal. Superego motivates the behavior of individuals. Conscience essentially acts through reason. In using his conscience, man acts with full knowledge, full deliberation and full consent. If a person acts against his conscience, he feels guilty.

Having developed his reasoning power and acquired more knowledge, the adolescent questions some of the things he was told by his parents, and may discard some of their commands. The process of forming one's conscience reaches its peak at the adult stage. We adults with our well-informed reason realize the reasonableness of our parents' instructions. Largely, we behave according to them, but for a different motivation, e.g. not because our parents told us, but because we are convinced that this is the right thing to do. Thus, we develop a well formed conscience. Remember, the brain is not conscience; it is an instrument of consciousness. When consciousness is changed, there will naturally be correlated changes in brain biochemistry and behavior. But by changing the biochemistry of the brain, we can't change consciousness itself.

Everybody has his own Paradigm. It is the way we see the world- not in terms of our visual sense of sight, but in terms of perceiving, understanding, and interpreting. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitude and behaviors grow out of those assumptions. The way we see things is the source of the way we think and the way we act. Paradigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world. But the paradigm of person should be based on true principles. The reality of such principles which came into existence during the course of development of civilization and natural laws becomes obvious to anyone who thinks deeply and examines the cycles of social history. These principles surface time and again, and the degree to which people in a society recognize and live in harmony with them moves them toward survival, stability and human growth. These are not esoteric, mysterious, or religious ideas. They are self-evident and can easily be validated by any individual. It is almost as if these principles and natural laws are part of the human condition, part of the human conscience. They seem to exist in all human beings, regardless of social conditioning and loyalty to them, e.g. principles of fairness, equity, justice, integrity, honesty, trust, human dignity, service, equality, growth, patience, truth, brotherhood, nurturance, encouragement, striving for perfection, empathy, open-mindedness, faithfulness, gentleness, tolerance, generosity, unselfishness, love, team spirit, reasonableness, etc.

While practices are situation ally specific, principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal application. They apply to individuals, to families, to private and public organizations of every kind. When these truths are internalized into habits, they empower people to create a wide variety of practices to deal with different situations.  A gang of thieves can share values, but they are in violation of the fundamental principles we are taking about. When we value correct principles, we have truth- knowledge of things as they are. Principles are guidelines for human conduct that are proven to have enduring, permanent value. They are fundamental. They are essentially unarguable because they are self-evident.

The more closely our maps or paradigms are aligned with these principles and natural law, the more accurate and functional they will be. Correct maps will infinitely impact our personal and interpersonal effectiveness far more than any amount of effort expended on changing our attitudes and behaviors.

The strength of correct mapping reflects from our character. Our character, basically, is composite of our habits. "Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny. So we have to sow right thoughts and thereafter act rightly to exhibit our good character.  We have to break the deeply imbedded bad habitual tendencies-impatience, criticalness, selfishness, unfairness, inequality, injustice, biasness, favoritism, hatred, lie, deceit, etc. that violate basic principles of human effectiveness. Social, genetic and environmental factors contribute to one's habits. It requires more than a little willpower and a few minor changes in our lives. Habits are intersection of knowledge, skill and desire. Knowledge is the theoretical paradigm; what to do and the why. Skill is the how to do. And desire is the motivation, the want to do. Life is by nature, highly interdependent. Interdependence is a far more mature, more advanced concept.

If a person wants to get peace and joy in life, he should maintain his self-esteem. He should also self-actualize himself. Self-actualization implies that one lives in the present and is primarily inner-directed. The self-actualized person has formed correctly his own convictions and has a clear idea of his ultimate goal.

To be self-actualized person, know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses and accept yourself as you are; try seriously to develop your strengths and minimize your weaknesses; be honest with yourself and with others; be responsible and reliable; control yourself and be generous with others.

If you are afraid of taking steps in right direction because of some fear and do not strive for perfection, you will remain with your fear and you will never grow. Therefore, you should be courageous in going ahead and developing a well formed conscience by imbibing in yourself the fundamental and universally accepted principles of equity, justice, fairness, truth, reasonableness, human brotherhood, etc. When you violate these inner rules, life becomes chaotic and you lose your sense of worth. Without imbedding right principles in yourself, the conscience will tend to be heavy. Mind it; you can't achieve happiness if you go through life carrying a heavy conscience.

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            Dr. Pramod Kumar

            Dated 9th March, 2004

Email: drpk1956@gmail.com

            Drpramod.kumar@yahoo.in

                                               

Leadership-Dr Pramod Kumar

Leadership-Dr Pramod Kumar

Leadership is the most talked and written about subject in various disciplines. There are various models available on the topic. A lot of theoretical material is also available on its types, etc. However, I have observed some of the important competencies (a set of behavioral qualities) in a successful leader which I can share with you. I also feel that knowledge is not sufficient nor skill is very important to become a good leader. It requires commitment to some behavior factors which can convert a normal person into a successful leader. No one is born leader nor is it a rare competency. It is also not necessary that one must be on the top or powerful to become a leader. Similarly, it is also not necessary that he/she must be charismatic. Only important is that one should be ready and committed to improve and possess some competencies. He must imbibe certain good behavioral qualities into his/ her attitude. He/she must change his/ her attitude towards himself/ herself as well as towards others. He/she must have clear vision, mission and strategic goals and must be committed to achieve them. If one is truly committed to one’s goals, he can be successful and effective leader of himself/ herself and others. I feel that without becoming a leader of self, one can not become a leader of others. Some of the critical success factors are enumerated below:

1. Personal factors:

i.                Aggressive insight: committed to a continuous process of self development- self awareness and renewal.

ii.              Confident humility: being confident, yet humble enough to listen and learn from others.

iii.            Authentic flexibility­: understanding others and accept others behavior without compromising with your own.

iv.             Reflective decisiveness: balancing thoughtful consideration of all options by acting forcefully and boldly.

v.               Realistic optimism: envisioning a better future while acknowledging the constraints of current realities.

vi.             Not re-active but pro-active: Pro-active people are driven by values- carefully thought about, selected and internalized values. They do not blame circumstances, conditions etc. for their behavior. They live in present and don't blame past as an excuse for their life’s conditions today. They actively involve in the present-taking charge of current lives and rejecting the self-limiting beliefs of the past. Their behavior is a product of their own conscience choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feelings. They do not affect by physical environment. If weather is good, they feel good and if it is not, it does not affect their attitude and performance. They carry their own weather with them. Whether it rains or shines makes no difference to them. Pro-active person is value driven; and if his value is to produce good quality work, it is not a function of whether the weather is conducive to or not. They are not ruled by social weather also.  Some people feel well when other treats them well; when people don't, they become defensive or protective. But such thing is not there with successful leaders.

vii.            Not to be afraid of failures:

Failing is a fact of life, a necessary part of the process that no one can escape. It is not whether we fail that maters; it's how we fail. When Edition was looking for ways to keep a light-bulb burning, he tried more than one thousand different combinations of materials that flopped. He had successfully identified over one thousand ways that did not work and that each attempt brought him closer to the one that would. Einstein said," I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right." Both of them failed many times but were considered as genius by us. Why? Because they knew that failing is a natural outcome of making attempts. Success rarely comes on the first attempt. Success comes only as the result of time, determination, and prolonged effort. One can learn from failure- humility, opportunity to try again to right way, strength of character, perseverance and survival despite defeat. If one’s attempt proves a failure, one should be prepared to face the consequences of one’s actions. One can also grow with an experience of failure. At least one can learn not to repeat the same mistake.

Success is more than making money. "Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is in the doing, not the getting- in the trying, not the triumph"- Wynn Davis. Money can not buy happiness. Even after achieving financial goals, the life is empty and meaningless because money, property, power and status are not the same as success. Accept life as it is, with all its difficulties and challenges. Accept responsibilities for our own lives instead of blaming or making excuses. Make the most out of it, in spite of its negative elements, no matter what the circumstances. Maintain a positive attitude toward life. Look good in others and in the world. See life as a series of opportunities and possibilities, and always explore them. Successful people build good relationships. They love others and subdue thoughts of hatred and anger. They are sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. They have a way of bringing out the best in other people. They never feel jealous. They set goals and accomplish them. They are action-oriented. They don't waste time in unproductive aimless activities. They accept and enjoy challenges. They have strong desire to learn. They see learning as a joy. They are always discovering, always growing. Be true and straight forward and open is their policy. They maintain high standards in their personal conduct- truthful and honesty.

Life does not always work the way we would like it to. The world will not devote itself to making us happy. Life is hard. It is not always fair. Our real success in life will be largely determined by how well we deal with adversity. We live in an imperfect world with other imperfect people. No one can promise us lives free from pain or disappointment. Nor can anyone promise us safety. But we are not alone. Every living person shares the same predicament. The people who succeed in life don't escape unfairness. They just learn to accept it and manage it more constructively.

Never think anything impossible because we can't accomplish it. We may learn the thing which is not known. We may develop the skill which we do not have. Refuse to ever use the term failure again. Start deliberately pursuing activities in which you have previously shown little or no aptitude. Positive thinking has to be accompanied with genuine belief. Our behavior is formed through habit. We first make our habits, and then our habits make us. We are not born with any of them. We learn them, just as we learn our attitudes. The successful leaders develop over time and are reinforced through repetition.

Too many people are seduced by what one calls outward success. People looked for quicker ways to acquire material wealth. They attain it but still end up feeling empty. They learned methods by which to obtain things but did not develop the principles and habits that result in feelings of self-worth and fulfillment.

          viii.          Be honest:

Dishonest behavior is at the root of most of our psychological problems. It is a vicious circle. One dishonest act leads to another. Rarely does a person lie, cheat, or steal -one time. If something is gained from it, the temptation to do it again is almost irresistible. Then there is a need to cover the trail, and another dishonest act is used to do it. If the process continues, dishonesty becomes almost a way of life. In other words, a bad habit is the worst one of all. Dishonesty turns us into phonies and manipulators. Is not it true that we usually know when someone is lying to us? People tip themselves off. Their words say one thing, but their bodies say another. And we pick up the signals. The same must be true when we lie. Other people are picking up the same signals. We are fooling no one but ourselves. In the process, we damage our reputations and destroy our credibility. When we lie to other people, we make it hard for them to believe us in the future. Violating the trust of another person is a sure way of damaging a relationship. And it's more difficult to restore one than it is to form one. Without trust, good relationships are impossible. Deceit has a powerful psychological effect. The manipulative part of us is literally assaulting our vital center. A false intention places an enormous stress on the body's nervous systems. We literally stir up inner turmoil when we are dishonest. In essence, we punish ourselves. If we are selfish and dishonest, we prevent ourselves from knowing what it feels like to be complete. We can never experience the satisfaction of being authentic human beings. This is the worst punishment of all. Therefore, we should adopt good values-honesty, integrity, humility, fidelity, modesty, patience, simplicity, temperance, courage etc.

          ix.            Never be unhappy:

Be joyful. Joy is a fruit of the inner-self. Cultivate your sense            of humor:  allow that inner child to express itself in fun ways. Don't be serious. Make a conscious effort to laugh more often. If you laugh, other will also laugh but if you weep other will not weep. Lighten up. More you detach from self-importance, the more fun you will attract. Send love deliberately to each person you encounter, regardless of how it is received by others. Spread a smile around. Life may be hard and at times unfair, but that doesn't mean it has to be intolerable. And it certainly does mean that we can't enjoy it. Humor is what helps the most. Humor and play break the tension. It is what we did so often as children and too often forget to do later in life. Laughter should become a high priority in our lives. We should laugh at ourselves. People who know how to laugh at themselves will never cease to be entertained.

          x.             No man is an island:

The fact is that quality of life is, by nature, interdependent. Even the   fulfillment of our fundamental needs and capacities is     interdependent. No one individual has all the talents, all the ideas, all the capacities to perform the functions of the whole. Vital to quality of life is the ability to work together, learn from each other, and help each other grow. You are not master of everything. Accept it and take the help of specialists. Promote team-spirit.  Develop relationship and enrich your emotional bank-balance. It is illusion that personal gain is made up of crushing others.

         xi.            Keep fit:

i. Physically: Our body is like a temple where our Self lives in. Without being physically fit, we cannot do anything great. We can keep ourselves fit by walking and also by doing a little bit of exercise, regularly. Yoga is also helpful for keeping us fit. It is also required to take balance diet and to say good-bye to alcohol, tobacco and other addictions. After the age of 45 years, it is also necessary to be careful about excess intake of oil, sugar and salt in our diet.

ii. Mentally: We can keep our mind sound by meditating daily at least half an hour. The most common practice of meditation is observation of breath entering and leaving the body. The practice is to sit and let our heart become still and concentrated and then to use that concentration to examine the nature of the mind and body. The mind is like an unbridled wild horse, keeping our lives in chaos, leading us into terrible predicaments. When the reins of concentration are loose, we flail in all directions and bring great suffering to ourselves. In the beginning these reins are hard to seize. With effort, however, we can get a grip on them and ultimately tighten them. The wild horse's nature will not change- even when it is reined in, we must be firm. As our attention strengthens, we reach a deeper understanding of life. Then the horse becomes our best friend. Meditation is a method for restraining the natural turbulence of thoughts. It gives us peace and promotes concentration. The key to success in strengthening concentration is continuous practice. By meditation we can make our mind powerful and use it in achieving our goals.

          xii.           Achieve goals:

It is impossible to advance properly in life without setting reasonable goals. We should specify our goals in term of personal growth, education, career, income, family, health etc. We may assign a timeline to the goals. Planning and programming are necessary to get us to our goal. But we should remember that plans are only dreams without actions. We must act. There is no substitute for hard work. If we are unwilling to work hard for distinction, we must be ready for a lifetime of mediocrity.

With added self-discipline we can go even farther. Successful leaders don't find time- they make time. Time is life. It is irreversible and irreplaceable. To waste our time is to waste our life, but to master our time is to master our life and make the most of it. Useless life is far worse than an early death. We were not created for a life of idleness.

Let us talk to the body and force it to become more active, despite its objections. There are people with skills, and with knowledge and with an urge to succeed but somehow the urges are not forceful enough. Rather, not passionate enough. Passion works wonders. People with passion automatically tend to be innovative. Success never comes till you are passionate about it.

          xiii.         Realize the truth:

     i. Impermanency:

    No condition is permanent. There are seasons in life just as in nature. The conditions undergo changes.  No thing is constant. Adversity can never be the permanent condition of any person. Adversities, in fact, provide learning opportunities. Every failure is only a step toward success; detection of what is false directs us towards what is true.

No one will live forever. All of us have been dying, hour by hour, since the moment we were born. But fear of death or adversity doesn't stop the birds chirping. Use them as reminders to live more fully each day.

ii. Lightening of load:

We came into this world with nothing, but through the years we allow ourselves to be weighed down by so much heavy baggage, in the name of security, that our journey through life becomes a punishment instead of a pleasure. If our baggage is heavy, our back will bow under its weight which we have to carry until death .The load need be lightened. Love, peace of mind, and happiness are jewels which no condition of future, no amount of land or coin, can either exalt or depress. Mere money and property can not fill our life with joy.

iii. Detachment:

Detachment is a way of thinking which gives us the freedom to flow with life. It is, in fact keeping us away from the need to hold on to things and people. Detachment is not about denying the joy of achieving abundance. It does not mean not having things. On the contrary, attachment becomes the controlling factor in our life. Unreasonable attachments may make us burdensome. They also give pain at the time of their departure. Performance with out attachment would tend to promote feelings of greater peace and pleasure without, however, undermining the responsibilities towards family and the society at large. It is not being a slave to the attachment of all of those things that we are accumulating- attachment to stuff, other people, past, ideas and being right.

When we encounter someone who believes something quite different from us, we start defining ourselves by trying to explain how wrong he is. At that time, we are unable to realize that all right versus wrong dichotomies is the invention of people. Right does not exist independent of man. The universe is running on the principles that we have defined, but still running independent of our opinions. If we attach to some idea in an unreasonable way, we shut out the possibility of hearing another point of view.

iv. Forgiveness:

Revengefulness is required to be replaced with forgiveness. It would work like the antidote for the poison (hatred) that we have allowed to circulate inside us. It is necessary to forgive others because deep injuries will not heal up until we forgive the person who has inflicted harm to us. If we do not forgive, we suffer ourselves by continuing hanging on to the toxic thoughts of anger and resentment that wreak havoc with our health.

v. Love:

Love is the affinity which links and draws together the elements of the world. Love is our real nature. To love and to be loved are natural desires in every human being. We are made of love and we can't find rest or happiness without it. Every infant needs touch to grow. Positive stroking encourages infants to grow. Infants who are ignored or stroked negatively are encouraged to become losers. It is a need of our inmost self. That is why sometimes, it flows above man-made social and genetic barriers. In love, one believes in only giving and not taking. Rather, in love, difference between the two is lost. We can observe it when we read Jesus Christ, Buddha and other great personalities. Great people love others. They have ability to take on different roles- nurturer, nutritionist, psychologist, educator, healer, social worker, etc.  We should love others and subdue thoughts of hatred and anger. The feeling of love energizes ourselves and gives us peace and happiness.

xiv.                Person of principles:

Sense of completeness can't be felt without becoming a good human being. It requires implementation of some principles of goodness in our life. One should be true, reasonable, just and fair in one's dealings with others. Development of a high standard of personal ethics is necessary for becoming a good person. It is necessary to be honest. To be a person of principles, one should be a person of integrity and good character. Speaking ill of people behind their backs is indeed a show of poor character.

Good person feels happy by helping others. If he makes a mistake, he says sorry and remains patient when someone makes a mistake. He learns from them and avoids his own. He makes unconditional and unqualified praises and uses 'please' and 'thank you' in his style. He is always a good listener and does not interrupt and complete others sentences.

He always abstains from loose and frivolous talk. He does not laugh or take pleasure in other people's misfortunes. Nor he makes fun of others even when the occasion arises. He is always kind and praises others for their achievements.

The successful leaders make good principles as a part of their behavior. We should know our weaknesses, accept them and try to eliminate them.  If we act based on good principles, it will produce quality-of-life results.

2. Social factors:

i.                Promote trust in others.

ii.              Show concerns for other.

iii.            Sharing with others.

iv.             Effective communicating with others

v.               Work for common purpose.

vi.             Foster open communication

vii.           Build relationship

viii.         Leads courageously.

3. Business factors:

i.                Help others in becoming leaders.

ii.              Update knowledge of technology.

iii.            Have depth knowledge and skill of business.

iv.             Be a Change leader.

v.               Think strategically.

vi.             Be Innovative

vii.           Establish plan

viii.         Manage execution.

ix.             Drive for results

x.               Improve systems and procedures.

xi.             Committed to quality.

xii.           Focus on customer needs.

xiii.         Foster enthusiasm and team spirit.

xiv.         Reward and celebrate achievements.

xv.           Attract and develop talents.

xvi.         Act with integrity.

xvii.       Use sound judgment- reasonable, just and fair.

4. Cultural factors:

i.                Valuing one’s own culture heritage while acknowledging its shortcomings as well as its strengths.

ii.              Looking beyond one’s own culture. Respect other’s culture too.

iii.            Respectful modernizer.

iv.             Culture Bridger

v.               Global approach.

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Dr Pramod Kumar

25-10-2003

Email: drpk1956@gmail.com

            Drpramod.kumar@yahoo.in